When holidays hurt: Navigating grief and loneliness in festive seasons
The holidays can bring up all sorts of memories, both good and bad. For many, the latter takes centre stage as grief, in particular, can hit very hard around the festive season—especially when it seems like everyone expects you to be bright and merry.
From that special song playing in the shopping mall to the smell of cookies baking, this time of year can be very triggering for those dealing with loss and loneliness.
If you’re feeling challenged about celebrations and traditions because your grief feels heavier than usual, read on for seven tips to help you cope and find comfort this holiday season.
Why grief hits harder at the holidays
From the loss of a loved one to recent breakups, this season of “togetherness” is a constant reminder of what we’re missing. Every holiday rom-com features couples, and all of the advertisements show happy, loving families cooking, decorating and celebrating together.
But what if there’s an empty chair at your table and you just can’t seem to move on? What if your family isn’t so loving, and the holidays only amplify what it looks like everyone else has?
These messages about celebrating connection can trigger our “holiday grief” and make us focus on what we’re missing or what we “think” our lives should look like. These painful reminders of the loss we’re experiencing and the grief we’re possibly avoiding make it challenging to appreciate the festive season.
At The Place Retreats, we understand that holiday rituals and traditions can trigger deep and painful emotions. Navigating grief isn’t linear, so even if you’ve been effectively dealing with your grief and loss throughout the year, the festive season might be stirring things up that you thought you’d left behind. Grief tends to intensify around meaningful dates tied to tradition and connection—like the holidays—so if you don’t quite feel up to celebrating, it’s perfectly normal, as grief can often feel heavier during the festive season.
This time of year, it’s crucial to guard your mental health and be gentle about where you’re at in the grieving process.
With that in mind, here are seven compassionate ways to care for yourself this time of year, despite the grief you’re feeling.
How to navigate grief and loss during the holidays: Seven compassionate self-care tips
1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings
The festive season can seem like everyone is joyful, present and positive, but there's no need to force holiday cheer if you're not feeling it (and for sure others are feeling the same way).
You don't owe anyone a performance.
The best thing you can do for your mental health this season is to acknowledge where you truly are:
"This year feels so lonely and difficult."
"I'm finding this incredibly hard."
"I thought I'd gotten past this, but the holidays have really triggered my grief."
Naming the truth softens the internal pressure to "get through it" and makes room for authenticity. Even giving yourself small, intentional "grief windows" to take the time to feel it, write about it, remember it, and let yourself cry over it can create a rhythm that honours your loss without overwhelming your entire day. Give your grief the space it deserves, but don't get stuck there.
2. Give yourself permission to adjust plans
Instead of trying to manage the season perfectly, approach it with emotional protection and flexibility.
Look ahead at dates, gatherings, or anniversaries that might still feel tender, and permit yourself to:
Stay only as long as you have the energy
Decline invitations
Change your mind the day of
Skip traditions that feel too heavy
This is not you avoiding the holiday season; it's taking care of yourself in the best way possible, because flexibility is a form of emotional protection.
3. Adapt traditions
Traditions can feel comforting and painful all at the same time. You might find that there are some you decide to abandon altogether, some you save just as they are, and other traditions might need a little "reshaping".
If you always had apple pie, you could keep the same recipe or try a new one. Maybe the right thing for you is chocolate cake? If you always decorated the house the same way, you could buy some new decor and weave the memories of the old and the new together. Maybe you always donated to the same charity? Does that align with who you are now?
Don't be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone.
When traditions are adapted to your emotional landscape, they can become supportive rather than painful.
4. Protect your emotional energy
Grief often reduces your capacity, even when you appear "perfectly fine." This means you’re masking, and it makes it much harder for people to read you. That’s why boundaries are more important than ever.
You may need to limit:
How long to stay at events
Who you spend time with
Conversations that feel too activating for your current mood
Sensory overload: noise, alcohol, crowds, kids
You are allowed to say:
"I'd love to see you, but only for a short visit," or
"I may step out if I feel overwhelmed."
You can always change your mind, but your responsibility right now is your well-being, not managing others' reactions.
5. Let connections be small, safe, and slowly paced
Grief creates a tension between wanting company and feeling drained by it. Both are valid, but they can create a constant and exhausting push-pull dynamic. Instead of pushing yourself into large gatherings, opt for small, authentic moments of support with a trusted friend. This holiday season might be the right time to try an online grief circle or meditation group.
Above all, let at least one person know how they can support you, whether that's sitting beside you at dinner, checking in by text, or being available if you need to step outside.
6. Care for your body
Grief is physical. Around holidays, "firsts," or anniversaries, the body often remembers before the mind does. You may feel like you have more fatigue than usual, irritability, a reduced appetite, social anxiety, sensory sensitivity or sleep issues.
Pay attention to these cues, as they're essential for supporting your body during this challenging period.
Try to eat regular-spaced, warm, nourishing meals
Stretch, do some yoga or take slow walks outside if possible
Drink plenty of water throughout the day and stay away from excessive alcohol
Practise slow breathing and meditation
Choose rest without guilt
7. Allow grief and comfort to coexist
Smiling isn’t "moving on." Moments of comfort and feeling joy don’t betray your loss, and it doesn't mean your grief has disappeared. You can miss someone deeply and also enjoy a meal out with friends, a warm family reunion filled with love and laughter or a peaceful, reflective morning.
It’s OK to let these moments in. They feel good, and they’re good for you.
How The Place Retreats can help this holiday season
If you’re feeling so much emotional pressure that you wish the festive season would just end, please know you’re not alone. Here at The Place Retreats, we understand that holidays without your person can be incredibly challenging to accept and make it through. Even after years have passed, the holidays can bring reminders that are extremely triggering.
Whether you’re feeling slightly off-centre or you feel you’re clearly moving backwards, we’re here to help. Holiday grief is real, and we can help you find the anchors that make you feel less adrift.
If you’re ready to move through the holiday season with honesty and care, honouring both your emotional limits and capacity for love, The Place Retreats Bali is a truly unique place to heal your grief and rediscover yourself.
If you'd like more information on how a grief retreat can help you, contact us to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with a member of our team.
