Why trauma makes it hard to rest — and how to relearn safety

You’ve created the perfect conditions for rest: no screens one hour before bedtime, a quiet cool room, soft bedding, a soothing wind-down. But as soon as the lights go off, your body lights up instead. You’re alert, wired, eyes wide open and unable to sleep.

Sound familiar?

For many trauma survivors, life is spent in constant survival mode, even when trying to rest. It’s as if your body and mind simply don’t know how to truly relax, or you might even feel guilty for doing so. It doesn’t make sense, but that’s part of the trauma response.

Trauma presents in many different forms, and without proper recovery, the wounds of trauma will continue to disrupt your life. Recovery? But isn't that for addiction issues? Yes, but there are many different kinds of recovery. Trauma wounds run so deeply, you truly need to “recover” in order to live a healthy life. Without adequate recovery, you’ll continue to experience emotional, physical and mental struggles—including rest and sleep issues.

Rest requires safety, and for many trauma survivors, safety isn’t something the body recognises easily.

What is trauma?

World-renowned trauma and addiction expert Dr Gabor Maté says, “Trauma is an invisible force that shapes our lives. It shapes the way we live, the way we live and the way we make sense of the world. It is the root of our deepest wounds.”

Trauma can stem from a variety of life experiences, from childhood neglect or abuse to the sudden death of a loved one, being the victim of or witnessing a violent event, or even being present in an accident or natural disaster.

However, trauma is often deeply misunderstood because it is subjective and doesn’t always manifest from the most extreme or violent experiences. It can also present in more subtle situations, like experiencing chronic emotional neglect or dysfunction during childhood. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines trauma as any single or multiple events that result in severe psychological distress. Long-term reactions can include “unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea.”

It’s important to remember that trauma is variable, as one person may be able to cope easily with an experience that another might find deeply traumatising.

How trauma rewires the nervous system

Trauma rewires the brain and our nervous system to be in a hypervigilant state of alert, constantly scanning for any danger that may be lurking nearby. It keeps the reptilian part of our brain—the part we need to survive—perpetually activated in a state of fight, flight, or freeze.

This keeps you safe when there’s actual danger, but for trauma survivors, the brain is always activated in survival mode instead of going back into restorative “rest and digest” mode. Basically, the nervous system gets stuck in this mode, and something interferes with your sense of safety. Even when there’s no danger, and you’re perfectly safe, your brain and your body stay tense on high alert.

For some trauma survivors, this manifests as panic attacks and crippling anxiety, while in others, it might be a feeling of emotional numbness or detachment from reality. As Dr. van der Kolk emphasises, “unresolved trauma often presents as somatic symptoms in the body—be it chronic pain, fatigue, or other physical sensations.”

The good news? Healing and relearning to feel safe is always possible.

Why rest feels uncomfortable even when you're safe

Because trauma has redesigned and shaped your nervous system, rest doesn’t feel neutral, familiar or safe as the body learned how to survive in one way: constant vigilance. When things are quiet and calm? Your brain says, “Danger must be right around the corner, better stay prepared!”

Too much stillness creates space for all the emotions you don’t want to feel or are too overwhelmed to process, but the body says, “That’s ok, I know a great way to avoid that.” High alert kicks right in.

This is why people often feel more activated when they sit down to relax than when they are busy or distracted. For some trauma survivors, slowing down can bring a rush of thoughts or a sense of dread, whereas for others, it might bring guilt or discomfort, particularly for those who grew up in environments where rest was discouraged, mocked or seen as laziness.

Think about it: If you learned that staying alert kept you safe, your internal system may still believe that relaxation puts you at risk, even when your adult life looks very different and is actually quite safe and secure. This can create a painful internal conflict: you want rest, but you resist it.

This isn't a personal failing; it’s just your body repeating what it believes will protect you.

Relearning safety in the body

The nervous system can relearn safety, but this has to happen slowly and gently so your body can discover that rest is safe again.

Working with a trauma therapist is strongly advised, but there are also small practices that, when consistently observed, can lead to significant change.

Micro-pauses

Short intentional pauses woven into daily life can help regulate your nervous system without overwhelming it. These might include one slow breath and one slow breath out while softening your shoulders and feeling the weight of your feet on the ground. These small moments of awareness introduce your brain to the possibility of safety in tiny, digestible doses.

Orienting to the present moment

Trauma pulls the body into old experiences. Orienting helps bring it back to the present. You can do this by gently looking around the room, turning your head and naming the things you see and hear. This simple practice signals to the brain that your current environment is safe, which reduces physiological alertness.

Gentle breathwork

For many people with trauma histories, traditional breathwork feels too intense. Instead, start with low-intensity practices such as lengthening the exhale, taking soft belly breaths, humming or sighing. These methods activate the vagus nerve and encourage the body to shift into a calmer state without triggering an internal alarm. Many apps can help you with this type of practice, such as Insight Timer or Calm.

Slow-entry body practices

Restorative yoga, Qi Gong, mindful stretching, or even slow, grounded walking can help you safely reconnect with your body. Warm baths, weighted blankets, and simple self-touch practices, such as placing a hand on your heart or belly while breathing, can also soothe the nervous system. The goal is not to relax instantly but to introduce the body to sensations of comfort and ease.

Co-regulation

Humans heal in connection. You might find it easier to rest in the presence of someone whose nervous system makes you feel steady and grounded. A regulated partner, friend or therapist can help your own system settle. This is co-regulation, the foundation of all self-regulation. It is perfectly normal to need this support, especially if you did not have it or learn it earlier in life.

As Dr Gabe Maté so eloquently said, “The essence of trauma is disconnection from self. And the essence of healing is connection to self.”

How The Place Retreats Bali Can Help

At The Place Retreats, our healing process and tailor-made retreats bring together psychotherapy, somatic work and mind–body practices to create a safe connection.

Our team of therapists offers space to process the patterns that keep the nervous system in survival mode, while yoga and breathwork invite the body to settle safely. We also offer practices such as meditation, acupuncture, massage, bodywork and energy work to help release chronic tension and restore balance to your nervous system.

Equally important is our tranquil, tropical environment. Science has proven that nature is calming, and many of our clients describe The Place Retreats as a lush cocoon of peace and safety. Being in a space that feels safe allows your body to soften, often for the first time in a long time, which creates the internal conditions for rest to become possible again.

Yes, rest is something your body can learn again. With slow, compassionate practice, the body can relearn safety, and rest can become something you lean into rather than fear.

If you’re ready to learn how your body can trust and rest again and bring true healing to your life, reach out and schedule your free 15-minute consultation with one of our team members today.