Finding Your Way Back to Each Other: Healing Disconnection in a Long-Term Marriage

There’s something incredibly exhilarating about falling in love. The nonstop feeling of excitement and passion is undeniably intoxicating.

But then, somewhere along the way, something shifts. You share a home, responsibilities, maybe even a sense of loyalty—but the connection feels thinner, quieter, or harder to reach. The things that used to excite you have become the same old thing, and you no longer feel that spark. The things that once thrilled you now feel routine.

Long-term relationships aren't immune to challenges, and even the strongest of marriages can lose their way over time. Many couples find themselves living parallel lives—functioning, but emotionally distant.

And yet, reconnection is possible. With intention, honesty, and care, you can find your way back. Maybe it's not the version of each other you used to be, but perhaps it's something deeper, more present, and more authentic.

This blog explores how long-term partners can begin the journey of reconnection—not through grand gestures, but through small, intentional shifts in presence, vulnerability, and healing.

Are you ready to fall in love again?

Sometimes, without either person even noticing, the mundane issues of life—careers, parenting, emotional fatigue, past resentments, or unresolved trauma—can slowly erode the sense of intimacy, trust, and curiosity that once bonded even the closest of partners.

You used to stay up all night because you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, and one day you wake up and the silence feels deafening. You think to yourself, “Are we even in love anymore? When was the last time we truly kissed?” and you have the awful realisation that there's nothing left connecting you together.

If you’re worried that your relationship has lost its spark and there’s no hope, don’t give up just yet.

We’re told love should be easy once you’ve found ‘the one.’ But life has a way of challenging that story. Believe it or not, it’s totally normal for long-term relationships or marriages to feel like they are dying out. We’ve all been fed a lie that two people find each other “Disney Movie Style” and stay together happily ever after. Far from fairy tale endings, you may even be questioning whether it’s time to split up and move on.

Whether the status of your relationship is in freefall due to years of living the status quo or a major life event, like having a baby or perhaps having an affair…there are plenty of ways to rekindle the romance, revive your connection, and hopefully fall in love all over again.

So how do you begin? It’s rarely about dramatic gestures. Instead, the path to connection is built through small, consistent choices that remind you why you chose each other in the first place.

Top Three Tips to Heal Disconnection

1. Find Time to Be Intimate

You may be so disconnected from your partner that you might find yourself thinking, “What does that even look like?” Once the pattern of intimacy has been broken, it can feel awkward—and possibly time-consuming—to think of expending that kind of energy towards your partner.

In many heteronormative relationships, people—mostly women—experience “weaponised incompetence” or an unequal division of labour from their male partners. If you have a partner who seems to excel in the office, at school, or with their hobbies or sports, but consistently drops the ball at home, claiming they don’t know how to grocery shop, cook, clean, or take care of the children, you might be dealing with this.

In a 2023 research report, the Pew Research Center found that despite measurable advances in gender equality, the workload is still greatly unbalanced at home, often due to “weaponised incompetence”. 

The result? Resentment—and resentment is an intimacy killer.

It’s very difficult to go straight from a state of discontent and feeling like you’re not being appreciated to “let’s have sex and be intimate.”

That’s because often when we think of intimacy, we veer toward the sexual or at least sensual, but when two people have drifted far apart, it’s best to start slow and keep sex off the table (for now) to avoid any pressure.

A natural starting point is simply connecting with each other in an authentic way. Schedule quality time with each other (put the screens down!) and think about what would make the other person feel good. 

What do they like? Where would they enjoy going—this could be going to a restaurant for a favourite meal, taking a nature walk they enjoy, or doing a hobby together.

There are also a lot of “non-romantic” ways to show appreciation to your partner and bring you closer to intimacy. For example, if one person is constantly expressing that they don’t feel supported at home with the kids, chores, home projects, social responsibilities, etc, then there’s a good possibility of an imbalance in the relationship.

However, when people feel they are being considered and that their partner is thinking about them and supporting them (without them asking for it!), they feel a stronger sexual connection to their partner.

It turns out that doing the dishes and changing diapers could turn out to be pretty sexy! So take some time to think about how you can be a better partner. Then you can start to build more non-sexual, intimate moments in your day-to-day life.

These small acts pave the foundation for intimacy to return, often long before you ever step back into the bedroom.

2. Reignite the Romance

Romance reminds your partner that they matter — not just in bed, but in the everyday moments of life.

Sure, maybe you’re having sex and checking that ‘box’, but what about romance? Sex might still happen, but without romance, it can feel mechanical because sex and romance are very different things! Are you really feeling out your partner and keeping that romantic spark alive?

Think about the last time you made a romantic or sweet gesture to your partner, “just because” with absolutely nothing expected in return. Was it a note that you tucked away so they’d find it when they arrived at work? Did you order their favourite lunch to be delivered to the office? Send a sexy voicemail or text? Or maybe you hired a house cleaner to come for a few hours so your partner could have a well-deserved break (yes, this can absolutely be viewed as a romantic gesture)?

When you practice these types of things on a regular basis, they become a habit where you’re both letting each other know you think they are still special and you appreciate them.

Those little gestures of love can turn up the passion and romance like nothing else!

The next time you find yourself thinking, “I remember when we used to make out in the kitchen while we made dinner, that was so exciting!” let yourself go with that inhibition. Those moments of intimacy and connection are going to make sex that much better as you reconnect.

3. Honest and Effective Communication is Hot

Without honest and open communication, your relationship cannot grow, nor can it heal. To find your way back to each other, you’ve got to start talking and practising effective communication. If you’re both on autopilot and just making the bare minimum effort, there’s no room for connection.

When you find time for each other, concentrate not just on your actions but also on your words.

No matter how long you’ve been together, your partner is not a mind reader. Practice talking about what’s truly going on with you in your life and how you’re feeling about your relationship. 

This is the time to be honest and vulnerable. If you’re feeling shut down or that you’ve got some past trauma to heal, open up to your partner about this so you can move forward and closer together.

If you’re in a sexual rut, this is an excellent opportunity to open up about something new you’ve wanted to try or are curious about. Especially as we age and our bodies change, the way we have sex is also going to change. The line of communication needs to stay open so that your sex life can keep up with the changes as well.

Be generous with your compliments and remember that it’s never too late to fantasise and explore with your partner. Once you both start practising effective communication and what you want from each other, that passionate spark can absolutely reignite.

When couples dare to communicate honestly—whether about frustrations, fears, or fantasies—they create the trust that intimacy and love can grow from.

How The Place Retreats Can Help You Find Your Way Back to Each Other

Marriage, like life, is full of seasons. Some are effortless, others take work. But when two people choose to show up with honesty, compassion, and a willingness to grow, they often discover a connection deeper than the one they first fell in love with.

However, sometimes couples need more than good intentions. They need a safe, supportive space to work through pain, rebuild trust, and rediscover intimacy. That’s what psychotherapist Jean-Claude Chalmet at The Place Retreats offers.

Chalmet understands that a lot can change in the lifetime of a long-term marriage, and in order to keep the connection, you’ll have to put in the work together. Thanks to the unique and tailored retreat programmes offered at The Place Retreats in Bali, couples learn to make time for intimacy, prioritise and respect each other, get sexy and open up for some heart-to-heart communication.

Through a combination of Kundalini yoga, meditation, andhealing therapies such as couples' massages, Watsu, acupuncture, and, above all, Tantra yoga, couples learn to be open and vulnerable with each other. By embracing your sexuality, exploring it together, and having fun with it,The Place Retreats can help you pave the way for your connection to flourish.

If you’re ready to learn more, reach out to The Place Retreats for your free 15-minute consultation. Let us design a tailor-made couples retreat to heal your connection. You don’t have to do this alone.