The therapist Jean-Claude Chalmet says long-term couples often inadvertently ruin their love life. Here's where you're going wrong.

If you’re worried that the stress and responsibilities of life have started to unravel your relationship to the point where you no longer feel like the partnership is a safe space and divorce is the only option—that’s your body and your nervous system telling you something very important.

Not every encounter has to make the chandelier shake. Even humdrum, socks-on sex leaves a warm glow. And when you learn to embrace your physical bond, and all that it can give, your relationship will deepen and thrive along with your love life.

The strongest couples respond with repair, trust and a willingness to work through the issues. When couples acknowledge that all relationships require effort to maintain the connection, they can recognise distance early—before the gap becomes insurmountable—respond with intention rather than reactivity, and work towards the necessary intimacy to reconnect.

Couples fight over money more than sex. The therapist Jean-Claude Chalmet on how to avoid financial incompatibility — and four writers on how they split the bills.

But before we look at how much is “too much”, couples need to first identify the reasons why they drink and the function of alcohol in their relationship. It can be complicated but if we want our habits and happiness to improve, that’s where it starts.

Understanding why you are spending this day together, despite having split, is key to its success. You are aligned in wanting to create a wonderful Christmas and joyful memories for your children. If you have clear intentions — and have agreed on tricky details, from whether you two will exchange gifts to topics you won’t talk about — there will be less anxiety and no false expectations for the adults or the kids.

A new connection removes the illusion of being in control. So how do you know if you're truly ready for dating? Perhaps you've asked yourself this question multiple times throughout the course of therapy or “doing the work”, but you’re not quite sure.