Many co-parents find themselves living in a constant state of emotional vigilance, waiting for the next difficult message, mentally preparing for conflict before it’s even happened, and replaying conversations. Existing in this hyper state of “fear” keeps your nervous system on high alert, always on edge as you anticipate the moment your phone could light up with a text or an incoming call. Over time, this chronic activation can lead to an experience known as co-parenting burnout.

Understanding why you are spending this day together, despite having split, is key to its success. You are aligned in wanting to create a wonderful Christmas and joyful memories for your children. If you have clear intentions — and have agreed on tricky details, from whether you two will exchange gifts to topics you won’t talk about — there will be less anxiety and no false expectations for the adults or the kids.